Another Brother - Adoptive Family Perspective

My name is Melanee. I am Austen's Adoptive Mother and this post documents what was happening in our lives during the same time period of Kalina's last post - from the time she first saw our profile in April 2015 to the moment she contacted our family in May.

In early 2015, our family had been waiting in the adoption process for about 2 years. We had an adoption blog, a video helping people get to know our family, and a profile on adoption.com. Our son Westen was 3 years old and we had had many interactions with potential birth parents. For various reasons (some positive and some heart-breaking), all of those placements didn’t occur. 

In April, around the time that Kalina found our profile on adoption.com, we were unexpectedly adopting our second son, Kyle, from Michigan. A young lady from Michigan, named Bethany, had moved across the country on her own to Arizona. When she arrived, totally alone, she found some LDS neighbor girls who took her in and befriended her. They took her at Christmas-time to the Mesa Temple to see the Christmas lights. There, she met two sister missionaries who began teaching her the gospel. A few short months later she was baptized. Soon she made a mistake and became pregnant and decided to move back home to Michigan to be near her family. When she moved, her records transferred to her new ward in Michigan and there, Bishop Eric and Sister Trish Andrew felt an immediate connection to her and her baby and tried her entire pregnancy to look out for her and encourage her to consider adoption. Trish talked often to her daughter, Caitlin, in Utah about Bethany and her situation. Caitlin asked her bishop and Stake President if they were interested in adopting Bethany’s baby, but they both had recently adopted and they passed along OUR names!! Caitlin and Trish shared our blog, profile and videos with Bethany, but it wasn’t until after she gave birth that adoption felt like the right option to her. A call came to me on a Friday morning from that Caitlin that they had received our info a few months prior from her Stake President and that there was a birth mother in Michigan who was being discharged from the hospital and needed a family that could come to Michigan THAT DAY to adopt her baby boy! Our life was in blissful chaos for the next few weeks. We frantically made arrangements with the hospital in Michigan, our attorney, our travel agent, and the birth family & her bishop’s family. We spent two weeks in Michigan at the birth mother’s sweet bishop’s house. We later discovered that Westen's birth mom's friend was one of the missionaries that brought Kyle's birth mom to baptism! There were many other beautiful tender mercies along the way that helped us know Kyle was meant for our family. 

Kalina mentioned in her previous post that when she first saw our profile, “I felt like I had to consider them, but that right then wasn’t the time”. It’s clear to see now why she didn’t feel right about contacting us right away. We were in the middle of another adoption and if she had contacted us then, the outcome may have been very different. Instead, she listened to her feeling to hold off on contacting us.

  

Two more short weeks after we brought Kyle home, Westen and I joined Branden’s family on a long-before-planned Disneyland trip. Branden took time off of work and stayed home with baby Kyle. We were nearing the end of our trip when we all returned to our hotel to let Westen and his young cousins rest from the fun of the morning. I laid down to read my book on my phone and as anyone who has ever been hoping to adopt knows, you check your adoption email every 30 minutes or every time you pick up your phone – whichever comes first. Even though we had just adopted, the habit hadn’t yet died. So, I checked my adoption email and noticed we had a new message. I almost fell off of the bed.

Kalina introduced herself and said she knew we were supposed to be her baby’s family and that her dad was in Utah that afternoon for work and wanted to meet us. I immediately started freaking out. How could this be happening now?! I immediately called Branden (who, remember, is holding a 4 week old preemie baby in his arms) and read him the email. In true Branden fashion, he calmly said, just email her back and tell her ‘thanks for thinking of us, we just adopted a baby a few weeks ago and understand if you would like to choose another family’.  He was sure she would want to choose another family and that would be the end of the situation. So, I emailed her something to that effect and she immediately responded with her conviction that we were the right family for her baby and her attitude about us already having a baby seemed to be ‘the-more-the-merrier’. Mouths dropped open in Utah and in California. Now what?! So, next step was for Branden to make arrangements with Kalina’s dad, Ben, to come to our house to meet Branden and Kyle. Meanwhile, Branden’s family and I pretended not to be totally pre-occupied with the thought of ANOTHER baby BOY and anxiously awaited to hear how Branden’s visit with Ben went while we strolled Disneyland for the evening. Branden told us the visit went great and he could tell that Kalina had a wonderful family. 

We had so many thoughts: ‘We have a tiny baby at home, how can we adopt another baby’, ‘But her conviction is so strong, maybe it could be the right thing’, ‘we’ve been waiting to grow our family and hoped and prayed for babies, how can we not seriously consider this’. Ultimately, we knew we had to receive an answer for ourselves if this was the right situation for our family. So, we moved forward with the hope that we would understand the Lord’s timing – “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5-6)   

Meeting the Family!

As I searched through adoption websites, I kept thinking, there are so many couples, each one hoping for an email from a birth mother who was willing to place her child with them, and I'm supposed to choose only one? It felt impossible. My mom told me I should ask God to help me know without a doubt which family my baby should be placed in. I remember searching, looking at pictures, asking God, "Is this the family?"I didn't know how long it would take me to find the family, but I knew that I would find them. I knew that whoever the family was would be able to adopt my baby without problems.

Branden, Melanee, and Westen

Sometime later, probably April, I was looking at Adoption.com, and I came across a family that had a 3 year old boy and lived in Utah. They had caught my eye because they were the first family I looked at that didn't say anything about cats -which I'm allergic to- in their profile (later I found out they had 2). I felt like I had to consider them, but that right then wasn't the time. I saved their name, and another family who lived in Texas, and told myself that I would look at the families again. Every day, I would look at the place I saved the names, but it wasn't until a month later that I actually looked at the family's profile again. I felt really good about the family in Utah, but I wanted God's confirmation. I prayed to God, and asked him if the family in Utah was the right place for my baby. I remember that right after ending the prayer, I heard a voice in my head say to me, "You already know this is the family." I was blown away. I immediately called my mom over, and almost couldn't help myself from yelling out "I found the family!"

Right after adopting Kyle

When I first called the family, I was so scared! I didn't know what I was going to say or how they were going to react. They ended up not answering the phone, but I left a message and sent them an email. A little more than 3 hours later they responded. Branden and Melanee wanted me to know that they had adopted another little boy, Kyle, only a month before, which was when I had first spotted their profile! They wanted me to know that they would still love to adopt, but wanted me to know all the details first. That didn't change the confirmation I had received from God. I knew they were to be my baby's parents. At that time, my dad was in Utah, pretty close to where they lived. I suggested my dad go over to talk with them, and they agreed. Dad went over and met Branden, and when he got back home, told me he enjoyed talking with him.

Dinosaur Museum Fun

For weeks, we emailed back and forth, learning more about one another and preparing to meet. I got to know Branden, Melanee, and Westen (Kyle was a little too young). We even Skyped each other once, and that summer, I met them face to face. I stayed with them for a couple of days, and we got to know each other better. We went to the Dinosaur museum, and had fun watching Westen "dig for dinosaur bones." During the visit, my baby was kicking up a storm, as if to say, You chose right, Mom! He even decided to kick while Branden and Melanee tried to feel him, and scared Branden out of his wits!

During my visit, and even after leaving, I had a warm and calm feeling about this family. I knew, even though it meant giving my baby up, that adoption was the right thing for me to do. I owed it to my child to give him a wonderful family, the family that God meant for him to be with.