Birth Mother Perspective

Preface: I apologize for being so absent minded about posting! I've been busy with school and other things, but now the semester is over, so I can focus!

A lot of people have asked me this simple question: Do you miss your baby? I almost wonder if they think I'm a robot. I know they don't, but you have to wonder. To answer this, I want you to imagine something. Imagine you have a friend. This is a friend you have spent a ton of time with. It's almost as if you are connected at the hip because you spend so much time together. You know everything about this friend. What foods they like, how they express themselves, their personality, everything. Or maybe you do have that kind of friend in real life. Imagine them. One day, one that you knew had to come, you have to let them go. They become super special friends with other people, and you aren't their special friend anymore. They change, and you only notice when you do spend time with them, however short a time. Would you miss them? I believe you would. Well, that's how I feel about my little boy. Austen was my super special friend, one that I spent all my time with for nine months. When I had to let him go, it crushed me. When I visited Austen's family in April, I had a really hard time. I cried myself to sleep the first night I was there because Austen wasn't the same little man I thought I knew. He was only 6 months old, yet he had changed so quickly that it was hard to fathom. However, I knew, and still know, that it was the right thing to do. He is in a wonderful family, one who is able to care for his needs. He is a light in their life. I know it because I see it in their faces, in their attitudes, and in their countenances. I couldn't ask for a better place for my beautiful baby boy.

I may not be able to fully comprehend why an outside open adoption was the choice for my baby, but I can take heart in the fact that I do know it is helping grow another family, one who cannot do that for themselves. Even without Austen in the picture, I love the Wilsons. Ever since I met them, they have shown me nothing but love and support. Their generosity and love is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane when I am having a hard day. My life would go in a completely different direction without them. They always make sure I know that I am loved.

In a previous post I talked about the website I found their family on. The name of it is It's About Love. As I type out this post, I have a firm witness that adoption, whether open or closed, is truly all about love. Love is the center of everything, from placing in a family to sending pictures to spending time together. Not everyone will understand this, and that's okay. But I honestly believe that without the love that is present, adoption would not exist, or if it did, it would be a forced and unnatural thing. However, adoption does exist, and it is natural. It is not an alternative to struggling, but it is an extension of the capacity to love someone.

I know I've just been rambling on and on about love, and I don't know where I was going with this, but I'm going to leave you with one last thing. Go to the people that you love, and make sure they know that you love them. Sometimes that can be the best medicine for a broken heart, a wounded soul, or a wandering mind.