Normal teenager? I don't think so...

I think being pregnant as a teenager really reminds you that you shouldn't take things for granted. I remember thinking, What was I thinking? I'm only 16! How can I ever GIVE BIRTH to a baby? I had just wanted to be a normal teenager, with normal problems. I wanted my problems to be what I was going to wear for a date, not what was going to trigger nausea. When my family and I started seeing Counselor (using my moms word), I began to see things more clearly. Sometimes I'd come home from church, mutual, or counseling, and just cry for absolutely no reason. I honestly hated myself for making the choice to break the law of chastity, for making my own life miserable, and I didn't know how to change it.

Going on a group date!

Along with struggling with myself, I struggled around my friends. Before I told them, however, I went on one date. During the date, it was so hard to not continually think how different the situation would be in a couple months, when I started showing. But at times, I was able to put the though out of my mind, and I enjoyed myself. I remember thinking, I hope they will accept me for who I am, not reject me because of what I've done.

When I told them, they all accepted that it happened, and they all completely accepted me. But the hardship was still there. I couldn't honestly be myself, because I hadn't been myself for so long. I felt like I should be an outcast. I felt different from the others. Like I was placing myself outside of their circle.I couldn't talk to them about school, because I was home-schooled. I couldn't talk to them about the feeling of the temple, because I hadn't been able to go for months. I felt we had nothing in common. But as time passed, I came out of that shell of who I used to be. I began to really get to know my friends and my teachers. As I continued to go to seminary, church, and mutual, I began to feel more like I was still just a normal teenager, even though I was the only teenager there who was pregnant. And along with seeing myself in my peers, I also saw them in me. I saw some of them in their own struggles. I saw them in their own joys. And I saw them push through. It helped me to keep my head in the right place.

Not the best picture, but me and my sister

In seminary, I was welcomed every day with a smile and kind words, especially when I was having a bad day. Each of my peers would tell me how strong I was, and how much they admired me for continuing with my church studies and not letting my situation get me down. Even a couple of guys decided to ask my seminary teacher what I was craving during the last couple months, and said they would make it for me! They never did, but knowing that I was thought of really helped me to continue to go to each activity and meeting I was asked to go to. I even went to a church camp, and had an amazing and spiritual time!

My fricken awesome seminary class!

Along with telling my friends and teachers about my pregnancy, I also told my siblings. It was only a matter of time before they found out anyway. I started by telling my 15 year-old brother. He didn't really say anything, except, "Is that why you dropped out of school?" I later found out that he wanted me to be safe, and that he was very protective of me. When I told my 13 year-old sister and my 11 year-old sister, they were just in shock. The 11 year-old asked "How did this happen?" and the 13 year-old just sat there with a confused look on her face. Next was my 9 year-old brother, and he just sat there with a goofy look on his face, not quite understanding but also trying to make the best of the situation. My 8 year-old brother also didn't quite understand, and my 7 year-old brother and 5 and 3 year old sisters just knew that "There's a baby in there!" During the pregnancy, each of my siblings used their special talents to help me. I learned so much from each of them every day. And somewhere in the midst of all this, I found the adoptive family.